Markets React to News of Birth - King Reassures Investors
Dec 23, 2006 11:13 Filed in: Spirit
Jerusalem, December XXV, IV. There was mixed reaction
in the markets to the birth of the Son of God. The
futures market in human chattels took the biggest
hit, with 1-year future contracts declining by I.V
dinarii. The sacrificial animal industry declined
XII%. Imperial revenue bonds declined II% on news
that a significant new monarch had appeared on the
scene that could create long-lasting instability
within the empire.
His majesty, King Herod, stated to reporters that he was aware of the new developments, having already received intelligence to that effect from eastern sources, and that he had placed the armed forces on alert to deal with the developing threat. "Investors can be confident that no problem of monarchial succession will disrupt the regular operation of markets as long as We are king."
The king further stated that Roman imperial military intervention was not called for and that local troops were more than adequately prepared to carry out his plans which he refused to disclose, citing security reasons. He expected his precautionary actions to be unpopular among the subjects of his realm, but stated that he had the unqualified support of the financial sector, including the directors of the Temple Currency Exchange, which felt particularly threatened by by prospect of a new regulatory regime hostile to their currency arbitrage business.
"The small sacrifices that must be made by the general population will ultimately lead to greater happiness and prosperity in the future." said His Majesty. "Everyone must sacrifice in these troublesome times. I myself will forego my usual daily plate of hummingbirds' tongues sauteed in Falerian wine for the duration of the crisis."
According to an anonymous source within the kings's circle of economic advisors, "These developments present too much risk to settle for half-measures. Inaction would allow the threat to grow and finally to become unmanageable."
The king promised reporters that the additional military expenditures would not lead to a tax increase, but could easily be accommodated within the current budget by reducing governmental waste and inefficiency.
It was later reported that the royal treasury had taken a long position on casketmakers, favoring manufacturers specializing in small caskets.
His majesty, King Herod, stated to reporters that he was aware of the new developments, having already received intelligence to that effect from eastern sources, and that he had placed the armed forces on alert to deal with the developing threat. "Investors can be confident that no problem of monarchial succession will disrupt the regular operation of markets as long as We are king."
The king further stated that Roman imperial military intervention was not called for and that local troops were more than adequately prepared to carry out his plans which he refused to disclose, citing security reasons. He expected his precautionary actions to be unpopular among the subjects of his realm, but stated that he had the unqualified support of the financial sector, including the directors of the Temple Currency Exchange, which felt particularly threatened by by prospect of a new regulatory regime hostile to their currency arbitrage business.
"The small sacrifices that must be made by the general population will ultimately lead to greater happiness and prosperity in the future." said His Majesty. "Everyone must sacrifice in these troublesome times. I myself will forego my usual daily plate of hummingbirds' tongues sauteed in Falerian wine for the duration of the crisis."
According to an anonymous source within the kings's circle of economic advisors, "These developments present too much risk to settle for half-measures. Inaction would allow the threat to grow and finally to become unmanageable."
The king promised reporters that the additional military expenditures would not lead to a tax increase, but could easily be accommodated within the current budget by reducing governmental waste and inefficiency.
It was later reported that the royal treasury had taken a long position on casketmakers, favoring manufacturers specializing in small caskets.
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